Our esteemed resident physician, Dr. Bill Loney, asks an interesting question about all the to doin's goin' on this time of year. In a new article on his blog, he opines not only about the true "reason for the season" but asks why it should necessitate a whole commercialized "season" for us to do what we should already be doing all year. Good questions, Dr. Loney, very good questions.Friday, December 26, 2008
Dr. Loney asks, "Why justa week?"
Our esteemed resident physician, Dr. Bill Loney, asks an interesting question about all the to doin's goin' on this time of year. In a new article on his blog, he opines not only about the true "reason for the season" but asks why it should necessitate a whole commercialized "season" for us to do what we should already be doing all year. Good questions, Dr. Loney, very good questions.
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Why justa week? Because that's about all I can stand of this peace and goodwill stuff...
The other 51 weeks consist of ME being number one, learning that I deserve much better than what I have gotten, covering my own tail and making excuses for my failings, making sure I get what's coming to me, taking care of business (me), learning to love myself before I am able to love any one else, and perfecting that before I can practice it at all...and all kinds of other pop psychology poop intended to make me feel good about being the god of my world, while giving me plenty of excuses for being less than who He intended me to be in the lives of others.
Just sayin'.
oc.
I think Dr. Loney got upsot about this.
NASS,
I think Sarah did the right thing.
Just sayin'.
oc.
No, actually, that got my tail to waggin' pretty good...also, that coulda been the scene from 'bout 4 of my weddins, if'n that purty lady
wuz a 300lb overall wearin moonshiner instead
If you don't mind my asking, just how many times have you been married, Dr. Loney?
you mean legal-like?
I think there are some people who do good things year around. I think there are even some Christians who do good things year around, and who embrace the idea that as the body of Christ they are to be the physical arms and body of Christ meeting the needs of those around them.
Not to start a huge debate, but often these types of ministries are often seen most in seeker friendly churches. Yes, BBC did run a great shelter during Katrina - but did that ministry carry on beyond that? Not really. Hope Pres has one of the greatest ministries to single parents of any church I have seen anywhere in the US. Is their ministry perfect - absolutely not - but it is hard for me to be real ugly to them when they are at least doing something. However, seeker friendly churches, despite doing good work, are doing it for the wrong reasons. They do it to draw people in (get the numbers up), or to get people to think better of the church, again it is about salvaging the image of God. He doesn't need our salvaging!!
A couple of years ago, I had a friend who suddenly found herself with 5 guests (family members who had become homeless, a mom and her four children) lots of churches were more than eager to share the "good news" with the woman, but none would give her money for an apartment, or furniture, or help her get a job, or even help my friend out with grocery money to feed these additional mouths. It was insane to me that as churches we would dare to say we loved this family when we didn't care less what happened to her.
The problem is that despite the denial of this reality, churches, nor even the most philanthropic really cares about those less fortunate than themselves. They only reason most people do good things is so that they will feel good about themselves. How many times have you heard, "Do something good for someone - you will feel great!" Really??? That is why we do good things? I don't think so. We do things to care for those who have needs because we have been commanded to. Any benefit you get from your caring for others should be a blessing, but not the reason.
Maybe I am a little too sensitive about it, I have watched far too many "Christians" - those who should be the model of love - who act like total jerks way too much of the time. We think that giving money to a love offering or a benevolence offering is the same as caring for the needs of those who sit in the pew with you.
I have to say that picture of Sarah cracks me up!
Maybe if she did shoot Rudolph we would be in a better place as a nation? Yeah, I know, fantasy thinking.
Moving along to CNBC to watch the daily bashing of all things Bush and hearing how much better we are going to be in 25 short days with a national debt that is so expansive people dont' even know how to describe it. Hope and Change - oh yeah!
A 300 lb Sarah... intersting thought - do you think the Media would even consider tolerating that? Men can be 300 lbs - but NEVER a woman!
Even more ironic... word verification: Manation - yes indeed!
It irratates me that someone would actually take on this backwoods-rube personna that only perpetuates and glorifies racism when sifted out... even more irratating is that someone else would give it validation(sic) by straining it for moral relevance.
"We do things to care for those who have needs because we have been commanded to."
I disagree. I think it has something to do with love.
Anon,
get thyself a grippeth upon thyself. You taketh yourself much too seriously. Maybe you loveth your ego more than is warranted.
And if it irritateth you so, changeth detergent or please feel free to constucteth your own world where all is warm and fuzzy according to your righteousness.
Maybe get thyself thine own blog.
Just suggestin'.
oc.
I am detecting humor that could only be the spawn of public schooling and/or closely related ancestors.
Listen feller, in words I'ma sure you can understand:
HEEEE-HAAAWWWW..HEEEEE-HAAAWWWW
Thatsa jackass, in case you aint learnt 'bout animals & such up at Grey Poupon High
Anon,
Oh, ok. Now the "spawn" thing. Code word for Satanic leanings. OK, see where you are heading. And I really don't want to be the one who says what everyone else is already thinking, but of course I do it anyway...I'm guessing by your posts that you would know about satanic leanings from personal experience. So go ahead and direct all of us hopeless hell bent imbeciles to your holy web site in a desperate clamoring for salvation according to you.
Maybe a Sunday on Loney Mountain would get you real. Maybe not.
Isn't that (love) the flip side of the same coin?
Christians are better equipped to love because they have a perfect model and greater capacity for love as Jesus modeled.
The body of Christ, Christians, are commanded to care for widows and orphans. (My view on that is that it expands to all in need.)
The love we are supposed to exhibit is carried out in the command to care for others.
Yes BWG,
But it's not the actual command which compels the deed. It's the love which makes the command a desire and further makes the deed imperative.
I reckon thats why they got them lil trash can thingys under peoples names...and why theysa moderater button too.
cant talk 'bout a whole lot when theys one of these fellers on the loose
BWG-- my wonderins werent much about the motivationals, but jus' really how come theys this big push by many(not all) right now, when all this stuff is always needin doin'. I'd rather jus' do it all the time, than make a lil show when ever bodys watchin.
OC--figurin that for us it should be a 'to the least of these' & 'if you love me keep my...' type thing
You got me. Bless you Doc.
Uh huh doc. January is coming too. So is February and March...and it will still be as cold and hungry as Christmas was...
damn me if I don't love in the other months.
oc.
Dr. Loney,
At first I felt inspired by your words, then I started to think about how I should be doing more for folks throughout the year, and since I'm not likely to do that, I ended up feeling bad about myself. You should try harder not to mess up people's self estem like that.
Word verification: sizabled. Sounds like a word Bill Loney would use.
oc said...
Why justa week? Because that's about all I can stand of this peace and goodwill stuff...
The other 51 weeks consist of ME being number one, learning that I deserve much better than what I have gotten, covering my own tail and making excuses for my failings, making sure I get what's coming to me, taking care of business (me), learning to love myself before I am able to love any one else, and perfecting that before I can practice it at all...and all kinds of other pop psychology poop intended to make me feel good about being the god of my world, while giving me plenty of excuses for being less than who He intended me to be in the lives of others.
OC, bro ... if SG ever leaves BBC, you should apply for the job. You'd fit right in!
Heh heh. :)
Amonymous,
You equate backwoods with racisim? Seriously?? Isn't that just your own city-fied prejudice showing?
Dang Junkster,
Get ahold of me. We can have a pity party just for ourselves.
I'll get some wings, you bring the beverages. Make it strong grape juice.
:)
Just sayin'.
oc.
"It irratates me that someone would actually take on this backwoods-rube personna that only perpetuates and glorifies racism when sifted out...."
Racism? I didn't realize hillbillies were a racial group. Who knew?
And if it irritates you, I'd kindly invite you not to read it.
"I am detecting humor that could only be the spawn of public schooling and/or closely related ancestors."
Ohhh... ECS graduate, I presume? Those of us who have "only" public school educations defer to your greatness, anonymous one... even if you have no clue about that of which you speak. (I was going to say, "You have no clue what you're talking about," but that might have given away my public school background. Oh, the shame.)
Now, it's no secret the shape of Dr. Loney's family tree more closely resembles that of a telephone pole, but hey, we love him anyway! You know what they say about family. You can pick your nose but not your relatives. And having just spent the greater part of the day in the company of 19 of mine, I can attest to the veracity of that statement!
New BBC Open Forum said...
You know what they say about family. You can pick your nose but not your relatives.
How uncharacteristic of you, NASS!
I suppose one could pick some relatives -- such as chosing whether or not to marry a person based on potential in-laws. But if folks got to know their prospective mate's family as well as their own before deciding whether or not to marry, I doubt there's be much marrying going on.
New BBC Open Forum said...
I think Dr. Loney got upsot about this.
If I know the Loney mind (and, regretably, I think I do), the only thing he'd find upsetting about that is wasting a perfectly good reindeer head by mounting it instead of using it to make "Santa's Surprise" stew.
Word verification: goseeder. Definition: one who consumes a goose.
Naw Junkster, don't worry about the "anon". He/she has his/her stuff tucked in quite tightly, so to speak. Maybe more tightly than an Arkansas one limb family tree should do...:)
I reckon the lack of test...testosterone...test... testimony...or whatever...it wasn't meant for public consumption anyway...it was but a... a big mistake. Uh, see the movie "Deliverance"...So forgive, and give grace for lack of...genetic indescretion...or whatever else anon can come up with at this time. Yee Haw.
oc.
I was referring to one's ancestors and blood relatives. :-)
Wasn't Deliverance filmed in the woods near Loney Mountain?
Sorry NASS.
"Deliverance" may be too close to mention. Don't get my family on it... Dueling banjoes, anyone???
{shudder}
New BBC Open Forum said...
Wasn't Deliverance filmed in the woods near Loney Mountain?
Ah'd be a might bit suhprised ifn that banjo playin' feller weren't a Loney.
LOL!!!!
Look at me and wonder...
:)
"Ah'd be a might bit suhprised ifn that banjo playin' feller weren't a Loney."
... and the other one was "anonymous."
"... and the other one was "anonymous."
Oh no. He/she ain't family. As a relative of the Doc, they would at least have enough...cajones...testicular fortitude... to at least describe or circumscribe themselves.
Whatever.
oc.
OC...
Yes Ma'am.
OC,
Is that anything like Galatians 5:12?
Well fellers, I tell you what...the new tonic batch is ready!! I been goin over'it with a fine toothed mason jar this whole afternoon...an' its tome good sonic. Holler happydays!!
No Junk,
It would be more like to myself.
I am so sorry for some of the things I have said this past year...
Not kidding.
oc.
I need forgiveness.
We forgive you. Now dry your eyes, blow your nose, and let's share a cup of cheer with Dr. Loney!
Dr. Loney shared this fruitcake recipe with me today. Enjoy!
Ingredients:
1 cup water
1 cup sugar
4 large eggs
2 cups dried fruit
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
1 cup brown sugar
lemon juice
nuts
1 gallon whiskey
Simple directions:
First sample the whiskey to check for quality. Take a large bowl. Check the whiskey again to be sure it is of the highest quality. Pour one level cup and drink.
Repeat.
Turn on electric mixer; beat 1 cup butter in a large, fluffy bowl.
Add 1 teaspoon sugar and beat again. Make sure the whiskey is still okay. Cry another tup.
Turn off the mixer.
Break 2 legs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Mix on the turner. If the dried fruit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity.
Next, sift 2 cups of salt. Or something. Who cares? Check the whiskey.
Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one tablespoon of sugar or something. Whatever you can find.
Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat off the turner.
Throw the bowl out the window. Check the whiskey again. Go to bed.
Who the heck likes fruitcake anyway?
That was not nice. I love you more than that. But thanks anyway.
oc.
Now Nass, that kinda talkins gonna have me gettin all smittenized... so stop it fore I put some tonic in the elcamino & blaze on up there with fresh speedos & anda courtin kit
And tonic aint whisky!! I only keep 3 rain barrels full handy-like fer medicinatin purposes only...an fer sterlinatin my operational tools...but since I'sa therough Loney, I's gotta checkit ever so offen fer to make sure it aint turnt...an if'n it does, I use it bugasize my gardens...an to ward off deer ticks
and Nass...you wouldnt print out my mail-lady date? O kettle, why dost thou denieth the pot? And I aint talkin bout the wild tobaccy type pot, but the regular kind, fer cookin & such.
I hate fruitcake! Makes a good doorstop though..!!!
Gosh....are yall bored tonight or what?????
What a strange discussion. At least Junk tried to bring Galations into it...
I think I'm pretty close to Minnesota (doing a little traveling during the holidays)...or at least it feels like it....maybe we can do some ice fishing!!!
Take care everyone!!! Keep it clean :)
Gmommy,
you can try, but I doubt you'll be able to get NASS to leave her parents basement to go ice fishing. Unless the lake has a wireless hotspot so she can keep blogging. Do wireless hotspots melt ice?
Hi gmommy. Not sure what you are saying as far as what I may contribute here. But I don't feel warm and fuzzy right now...
I'll get you some Bible verses if that makes everything right...
Awww, "oc," be of good cheer. No offense intended.
Dr. Loney,
Your fruitcake recipe didn't involve the flinging of big Burger Madness burgers.
'Nuff said.
"I hate fruitcake! Makes a good doorstop though..!!!"
Amen.
Well Folks,
Its happened again.
In Peru, a woman who;s name is actually Virgen Maria who is married to a carpenter had a baby boy on Christmas Day. She named him, Jesus Emanuel.
Here is the link to the story:
Virgin Mary gives birth to Jesus
Love you Gmommy.
Always have.
oc.
I STILL HATE FRUITCAKES...
Eating wood would be more tasty...
And would digest better...
Merry Christmas.
:)
Word Verification: Beltch. :)
You know, I just caught up with this post (good job Nass and Dr. Loney) and I've read Dr. Loney's blog too.
I am astonished at the anon's comment. Pot calling kettle...come in kettle. So anon is so consumed with Dr. Loney's "presentation" that he/she failed to see the point of the entire post. That we should celebrate "Christmas" all year long...because Jesus was sent to save us from our sins 365-366 days a year, not one or two. Instead, anon was so busy being holier-than-thou that the point was completely proven. Thanks anon!
THAT'S what's wrong with the church. Everyone stays on the surface, not expending the effort to get below it. Which, by the way, was Bkwm Girl's point! Get involved as much as you can.....don't let the cooperative program do your ministry for it, do it yourself! Find a place to be hands/feet for God. Example: the Tenn. Baptist Children's Home has needs for all sorts of volunteers...tutors, date night sitter (3 hours of fun with the kids while the houseparents have an evening to themselves), piano/music teachers, teachers to teach any kind of crafts, limitless opportunities. BWG is right....our words mean little without the actions behind them.
And anon......please rethink your own prejudices and look at what people are really saying....I know, I know...it requires brain activity. You can do....I'm sure of it! Use that high-falutin' education for some honest logical thought. You will be a better person for it.
Gmom-- all I did wuz writ somethin...this is what happens when you invite a Loney to the party...ever bodys inner-Bill comes out...but I still stand by my words
SBC-- I think everbody thinkin long those same lines...theys always a 'stinker' what comes out to trollerize good talkin
Well jeepers, seems edumication is lord now a days...well, I'm sorry.
Teach your edumication in the halls of Hell.
Jesus is Lord.
"don't let the cooperative program do your ministry for it, do it yourself! Find a place to be hands/feet for God. Example: the Tenn. Baptist Children's Home has needs for all sorts of volunteers...tutors, date night sitter (3 hours of fun with the kids while the houseparents have an evening to themselves), piano/music teachers, teachers to teach any kind of crafts, limitless opportunities. BWG is right....our words mean little without the actions behind them."
Much Wisdom. Very Much Wisdom.
oc.
OC: Good! Then get busy! We all need to do what we can, don't you think? Small things add up to be big things.....good example: Operation Christmas Child. All the life changes that can come in a shoebox!
ConcernedSBCer,
Yeah! Cool! Let's do it!!!
Already been in love with St. Jude's and Make a Wish... and a few military donations...I want to make my joy bigger!
Please send me all the info.
Thanks friend!
oc.
OC: You can do the research that best fits your schedule. All have websites with links to the volunteer area. I already do quite a bit of volunteer work, so I'm good.
Go for it!
Bless you.
Like it says in the Bible, don't let one hand know what the other hand is doing....anyway...I been doing some undercover loving myself.
Kids who live without love give you and me a ministry! I see those kids daily....
Thanks for your great heart!
oc.
And my life's choice for the last 15 years was to live my life and lose it in ministry to lost adolescents. That's my job. I got some kind of ministry happnin', don't I?
Just sayin'.
oc.
Yes, of course you do.
But there are always additional ways when you look. :)
And how does one understand the depths of ministry for someone else, who spent a life without just compensation according to the world's justification? How deep does it go? And who judges that life?
I really am a pretty humble dude. But I don't know if you can put a price on what I've done with my life. Such as it is.
Dang. I'm scaring myself here.
oc.
Well, I guess it just says...
That you never know what the other guy has done. God Bless you, those who serve and never tell...
oc.
I wish I was you.
Anyone remember the TV show from the '90s, Dinosaurs? Remember this episode?
Now I know exactly how the swamp monster felt at the end!
Just sayin'...
I'm with you Nass.
The point is, from Dr. Loney, Junk, and BKWM Girl, that Christmas should last every day for Christians. Being considerate of others, being honest, working hard, and remembering those less fortunate serves to spread the gospel better than a televangelist.
:)
Happy New Year everyone!!!!!!
It's been hilarious watching the various local TV news anchors covering this story today. So far no one has gotten through it with a straight face. Then when they said the guy's name (you couldn't make this stuff up if you tried) and flashed his picture on the screen... Claudia Barr and Tim Simpson totally lost it on Channel 3 at 10:00 tonight!
How hard did you have to look to find that story!!!????
When I started reading it I was straight faced then I had everyone rolling laughing.
It's just too crazy to be true!!!!!!
HOW did the news people ever report it....is there a video??????
It's been on the news all day. I first saw it around noon on FOX. It wasn't on the Memphis station websites, so I Googled for it. Never mind what I searched for, it wasn't difficult to find. I'm hoping they'll put the video on Channel 3's site. Tim Simpson was hiding underneath the weather desk. Claudia Barr was laughing so hard I thought they were going to have to cut to a commercial. Either she or the female anchor on Channel 5 (I forget which) commented, "No wonder his eyes looked like that!"
Happy New Year, sheeps!
It's been hilarious watching the various local TV news anchors covering this story today. So far no one has gotten through it with a straight face. Then when they said the guy's name (you couldn't make this stuff up if you tried) and flashed his picture on the screen... Claudia Barr and Tim Simpson totally lost it on Channel 3 at 10:00 tonight!
10:33 PM, December 31, 2008
There is NO WAY I could have read that story on the News without cracking up. Seems some of us live up to our names. :o)
Happy New Year!
That news story. Gives a new twist on "get a grip"...
I saw the story yesterday morning on the local FOX affiliate. The female anchor actually stated something like..."and check out his name...his last name is quite appropriate to the crime, his last name is "_ _ _ _ ", (and she actually spoke the name). Her co-anchor Ernie Freeman... that dude has all my respect... he didn't even miss a beat while going on to the next story, yet even so I thought I detected a just a little extra color to his complexion...
because you are my friends...
Excuse me, cause I'm kinda having a bit of a... well...a moment today...
Five years ago today I walked my sweet daughter down the aisle, turned around and gave her away to a most excellent young man.
Then I also had the privilege before God to perform the wedding ceremony, to give the vows and bless their marriage to the Lord.
And later I was further blessed to dance the "daughter/daddy dance".
(To "Butterfly Kisses", none the less).
So on this day, five years hence, I want to say that I am proud of their marriage. He is two-time US Army/ Iraqui vet,(yeah, he's been to Iraq for a 13 month and now a 15 month tour within their five year marriage) and she is one great baby girl, recently graduating from college from a tough Baptist university with some VERY high marks, and has decided to dedicate her life to being a teacher. Forgive me, because I am more than proud, and I cannot help myself but to brag on this day.
Happy 5th Anniversary Darcy and Edward.
Baptists... dancing?! {gasp!}
Happy 5th, Darcy and Edward.
Congratulations on your accomplishments, Darcy!
Thank you for your service to our country, Edward!
Thank you NASS. And there is more to say, because I really owe so much. To you and to others. Maybe all that really happens beyond the veil. But for now, I will just say thank you.
oc.
PS. Me and my daughter danced with each other. We each cried, actually quite alot. Yet neither of us were ashamed, even to this day.
So maybe we're not real Baptists...
I just don't know anymore.
oc.
I think the Baptists left us behind, and considering where the SBC is today, I'm not exactly sorry.
Baptists Don't Dance
Lyrics
Listening to the Bellevue message this morning concerning prayer.
I'm gagging at every point...
But his point about vain repetition is hard to get over...kinda maybe like begging for an "amen" after every other word???
Like that's not vain repitition.
"It will get worse before it gets better". Patrick Swayze, Road House.
Also see Barak Obama.
"Listening to the Bellevue message this morning concerning prayer."
Really? I thought he was supposed to start a series about finances this morning.
Here's the Steve Gaines solution to financial freedom in a nutshell. Find yourself a megachurch, put your best foot forward and get in good with the longtime pastor several years before he's set to retire, convince them to call you as their pastor (play hard to get), and negotiate a middle-six-figure salary with a benefits package including, among other things, a new SUV, zero-deductible health insurance (at the expensive of the rest of the staff because of your pre-existing condition), a generous (tax-free) housing allowance, private-school tuition for your school-age children, airline tickets for your high-school-age daughter and "a friend" to fly to Memphis so she can try out for a cheerleading position she reportedly ended up being appointed to by the headmaster/BBC deacon chairman rather than earning it on her own merit, a generous vacation package and the freedom to be away from the pulpit (double-dipping) several Sundays a year (and to never have to preach on Wednesday nights), the authority to bring in your own music minister while forcing out the man who led Bellevue's music for years (the same man who trained said minister of music and was mercilessly kicked to the curb), the freedom to hire your buddy from Gardendale (whose mother-in-law was on the search committee), your daughter's fiancé (now your son-in-law), and your son, all while longtime staff are being laid off, and heaven and a handful of men sworn to secrecy only know what else, all off the backs of those who sacrificially give their tithes, while poormouthing about not being able to afford furniture. Whew!
My heart bleeds. Hey, it's nice work if you can find it, but you'll have to excuse me if I find it more than just a little disingenuous and impossible to relate.
If Baptists aren't supposed to dance...then I ain't a baptist....
I can do a decent Duck Walk (See Angus Young of AC/DC or Chuck Berry).
BTW, anyone know anything about Ken Hemphill of the SBC?
He preceded Paige Patterson as president of SWBTS. What about him?
I take it this isn't the same Kenneth Hemphill.
Anyone hear about the "Prove the Tithe" Sunday the Pastor was talking about this morning? I think it's supposed to take place on 2/1?
Anyone hear about the "Prove the Tithe" Sunday the Pastor was talking about this morning?
Haven't heard about that one. The coffers must be getting low.
I see where they're using the same ticket structure to charge for the Memphis Passion Play that was used for the SCT. But hey, the Family Fun Festival was still free. Priorities, you know.
In response to this original posting... I thought I would pass along some local organizations that have needs right now. (I think most of these are ongoing needs.)
Life Choices, needs diapers, baby gear (all must be in new sealed packages) for young mothers who are choosing to keep their babies.
Calvary Rescue Mission - needs people to help prepare, serve and provide food.
St Jude needs people to help escort families around the campus.
Mifa needs people to help serve meals.
Moriah house needs volunteers and donations.
New BBC Open Forum said...
"Listening to the Bellevue message this morning concerning prayer."
Really? I thought he was supposed to start a series about finances this morning.
Here's the Steve Gaines solution to financial freedom in a nutshell. Find yourself a megachurch, put your best foot forward and get in good with the longtime pastor several years before he's set to retire, convince them to call you as their pastor (play hard to get), and negotiate a middle-six-figure salary with a benefits package including, among other things, a new SUV, zero-deductible health insurance (at the expensive of the rest of the staff because of your pre-existing condition), a generous (tax-free) housing allowance, private-school tuition for your school-age children, airline tickets for your high-school-age daughter and "a friend" to fly to Memphis so she can try out for a cheerleading position she reportedly ended up being appointed to by the headmaster/BBC deacon chairman rather than earning it on her own merit, a generous vacation package and the freedom to be away from the pulpit (double-dipping) several Sundays a year (and to never have to preach on Wednesday nights), the authority to bring in your own music minister while forcing out the man who led Bellevue's music for years (the same man who trained said minister of music and was mercilessly kicked to the curb), the freedom to hire your buddy from Gardendale (whose mother-in-law was on the search committee), your daughter's fiancé (now your son-in-law), and your son, all while longtime staff are being laid off, and heaven and a handful of men sworn to secrecy only know what else, all off the backs of those who sacrificially give their tithes, while poormouthing about not being able to afford furniture. Whew!
-------------
Great synopsis!! And sadly it is
all true.
Also, get the church to issue you a credit card which you can use (or try to use) for "questionable" expenses (e.g. shoes), spend time you're being paid by the church to write a book and then sell them in the bookstore, use the church's equipment and facilities to produce and promote your wife's "women's programs," and treat "special guests" to dinners at expensive restaurants (e.g. Ruth's Chris) and let the church pick up the tab. Life's sweet!
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